In my pursuit to better understand Medical Aid in Dying (MAiD), I came across Dr. Lonny Shavelson’s book, Medical Aid In Dying: A Guide for Patients and Their Supporters. The book was thorough and provided an abundance of valuable information.
Toward the end of the book, Dr. Shavelson shared insights from a study on the grief process experienced by those who have lost someone through MAiD. One of the key findings was the presence of “disenfranchised grief,” a term used to describe the unique and often unacknowledged grief that arises from the stigma surrounding aid in dying. Many families feel hesitant to disclose that their loved ones chose MAiD, fearing judgment or criticism from others.
Reading this, I felt a profound calling to create a supportive space for those navigating this specific type of grief. This led me to establish an in-person bereavement group for people who have lost someone through MAiD.
The name LOOM—Loved Ones Of MAiD: Weaving a Tapestry of Healing—came to me as I envisioned a group where people could share their experiences and heal together.
To prepare, I took time to reflect, attended various bereavement groups, and read extensively about grief, mourning, and MAiD. This helped me gain a deeper understanding of the needs of those I hoped to support.
I started the group with two individuals who had lost loved ones to MAiD. At the end of our first meeting, one woman shared something that deeply resonated with me. She had been attending a bereavement group at a hospice for six months but had never disclosed that her husband had chosen MAiD. She had kept this detail hidden, worried about the judgment of others in the group. However, in our LOOM group, she finally felt safe enough to share her husband’s story without fear of criticism.
Her relief and gratitude affirmed the importance of this work. LOOM had become the safe haven I envisioned—a place where people could openly share their experiences and find solace in knowing they were not alone.
Ellen Friedman, M.A.
Ellen Friedman, M.A. (she/her/hers) has been following an inner calling to educate, partner and companion people at end of life for a few decades. As a retired physical therapist who worked across the continuum of healthcare, she discovered a sacred space being with people as they approach the conclusion of their life’s journey. She is passionate about people learning end of life options so that friends and family can honor their personal wishes. Ellen serves people in person in Mesa and Gunnison counties and virtually throughout the world. She brings a peaceful loving presence to all conversations.
What a wonderful initiative! Thank you for caring for those that felt they would not be understood.